I was sitting on the beach glancing from the distance at my sun swinging with grandma and grandpa and observed young mommy who was sloping about her baby. At that 5 minutes being without my son I felt heavily how much I miss him. And it had started to seem that I did not slop enough about him. That I played and fooled with him not enough during this 1,5 year. That I was angry sometimes (but should not)…
And I had started to recall memories from the last 1,5 year. I remembered a lot of amazing moments and realized that always I felt that it was not enough. I dedicate almost all time for my child and I have only few hours for myself during weekend as during week we are one to one. Time flies so fast that despite opportunity to enjoy 24 hours/7 days per week time with my baby I have a feeling of elusive pleasure which I want to catch, to stop the moment and again and again “to breath” every second.
And don’t forget that we are alive. With our emotions, stresses, tiredness. It’s normal that not always we have energy for playing fool with kids.
At the same time I’m sure most of us want to give best to their kids: best food, toys, clothes, best parenting and education.. To give the best of ourselves.
How to be ideal if almost always you are one to one with kids and you have nobody to support? If your husband is working in different country? Or you don’t have husband at all?
As a natural result there are days or hours when we feel tired and can’t give kids our best shot.
And each of us has a desire to “give kids the best of ourselves”. It’s so natural and lays deeply in our instincts and these instincts make us feel guilty when we know that we did not bring our A-game. That feeling of being guilty provoke thoughts that we are bad parents.
And there are no ideal parents.
To have kids means constant self-improvement, finding new edges of ourself and new limits. And thoughts about being not ideal are absolutely normal. In my view it shows that we are not indifferent, that we try to be better. And each thought like this change us a bit.
Such thoughts rush in my head and I was not able to forbear more separation from my son. I ran to the swing 🙂
Do you have similar minutes of reflection?