These days rhythm of life, ambitions, competition push us to aim to grow up obedient super hero. And this desire is very logical. Firstly it’s natural aspiration to give our kids opportunity to be competitive in the school, in the institute and on the labour market later on. Secondly we have our own parental ego. Even before our child was born we were looking around at parents we know and thinking that we would manage the situation better or we would do it differently. Reality catches each of us on the wrong foot after we got our own babies. We are not sure anymore what is better, what is right or not and overall what is going on! And then we are digging for ready answers how to solve concrete problems.
In the internet, magazines and on the book shelves we can find thousand pieces of advice “How to feed babies?”, “Express milk or not?”, “Take on hands or not?”, “With what to play?”, “How to introduce the baby to mixed feeding?”, “How to start an early learning?”, “What your baby should do by periods”, “How to put kids to sleep?”, “Tips for mothers how to sleep enough” and so on…
Have not you noticed a paradox of having such huge scope of information? We are more anxious and uncertain in comparison with our parents.
Anxiety is a part of parental instinct overall. Plentifulness of information and desire to correspond with modern recommendations of well known psychologist (who knows for sure how will be better) make us even more stressful and hesitating what is better to do. Each child and each family are unique. There are no recipes how to be an ideal parent and ready tips are very often contradict with each other.
We forgot about role of intuition in parenting. For our mothers and grandmothers intuition was the main guideline and the only one answer for all the questions.
As my son teacher from kindergarten said “We are good enough parents for our kids to take decisions regarding them”.
Nature put in our kids intuitive knowledge about what they need at each period of their development. And in mothers nature put intuitive understanding and “reading” of those needs.
That’s why in my view we need books about parenting mainly for better understanding of kids psychology and reactions. And on the first place of tools to understand our kids needs (of caring, attention, learning, entertainment) should be our intuition.
It happened that I was out of parental reading stream. The name Spock I learned only when my child was one year old. I think I was lucky to miss this book. I had just enough information (in my view it was trustful information) from doctors and family. I had plenty of my own expectations and demands for myself, expectations from my partner how our life will look like, idealistic imagines about mother role. To certain extent all that added disconfidence and stress not to match ideals.
As a result more I trusted to my mother instinct and to my child better it was for all of us. And now after almost two years and knowing my child and observing already some results I know that we are on the right track. Literature with the “How to..” add more pressure on parents. Even though maybe it helps in some cases.
In the meantime I have wonderful example of the book which uncover psychology of kids starting from birth. This is the book of Ludmila Petranovskaya “Hidden support. Bonding in kids live”. I read in reviews that this book should be given in maternity hospitals instead of childcare guide. And I fully agree with this statement! Each mother should read it. I was crying when I was reading the book. But don’t think that the book is pessimistic. Simply I’m very sentimental and the book is very precise.
Read, develop and trust yourself more!