I guess you’ve ever heard about “start, stop, continue” technique in management. It’s very simple method which describe itself by its name. It facilitates the discussion aiming to get feedback, checkpoints and learn some lessons. Most of us get used to pull it out of our toolboxes mainly at work. But we underestimate the value of “start, stop, continue” technique in a private life.
How often we say to our partners what we like and appreciate in their behaviour? For example I love to wake up with my partner and have a morning coffee together or I really appreciate how respectful and patient he is when we argue. And there are a lot of different smaller and bigger things in a daily life which rarely we stress but which are important for us and not compulsory our partners always know that this is important.
Unfortunately we get used not to pay attention to daily routine and take it as given.
In private life we like to stress what our closest should change, start or stop doing. We like to teach them. What does the other person hear? That everything is bad and he should be completely different person. But I know from my experience it’s not what we meant. Simply the focus in a dialogue is too strong on “start, stop, change”. We were taught to communicate like that. Often we start to discuss relationship when there is a trigger point which needs to be solved (with other words that something should be started, stopped or changed). During such discussion we forget to stress that certain things we like and appreciate. That creates imbalance and lead to wrong interpretation of words which were said.
To change the way we communicate we should make a conscious effort. We should not forget to stress constantly in our dialogue what we like and what to “continue”.
Learn to express your feelings and pay attention about simple things! Tell today to your closest which daily rituals you like in your relationship.